Praise Post

I'm doing my praise post a day early this week, mostly because I have five minutes to myself right now. I've been back to work for two days now. In some ways is nice to be back, talking with adults, getting back into the job I love. In other ways, if I think about it too much, I'm brought to tears. I wonder what is my little man doing right now? Oh how I miss his laugh, smile, hugs, smell, and well just about everything, when I'm at work. I also miss my bigger little man, the cleaver things he says the ideas he comes up with, the hugs and games.

"Isn't this a praise post?" you are asking? You're right, so let's get to it! I am praising God today that he has put people in my life, whom I can trust to watch my boys. My parents are with us this week and doing an amazing job making sure the boys' needs are met. I'm sure the boys are being kept so busy that they barely notice my absence. I praise God that although my life is changing right now, He isn't changing and He is with me every step of the way (and looking after my boys at the same time). I praise God that I only have two days left of work this week and then I can have a day with my family. I praise God that in this I'm tired, because I am tired, I know what it is to find rest in Him.

His purpose

This week's praise post will be a bit different. As I head back to work in a few days, I have to admit that I'm finding it hard to focus on the goodness of our Father. So I'm going to remind myself of the purpose God has placed on my life.

As a friend of mine pointed out - in reading my last post, some who don't know me may be questioning WHY I am returning to work anyway? Sure there's the financial aspect, that in order to stay living in our home, I NEED to make money. But of course there are always other options. I could increase my home business, I could quit my job, we could move to a smaller home and decrease our mortgage, God would provide and we'd be okay.

There's more to it than that, the other side of the story. God CALLED me to my job. The main reason I am on this earth is to worship my creator. The next reasons are to be a mother to my children, and a wife to my husband. But God has another purpose for me, and got me to where I need to be to fulfill that purpose. My job is a gift from God, the exact place He wants me to be right now. Because I have left my blog as public, I am purposefully not disclosing my profession (nor do I disclose my husband's name or my kids' names). I will say though that my job is to help people and it's a job that not everyone can do.

God opened so many doors for me, door which He could have closed easily, in my life to get me where I am now. And for that, through the tears and the emotions that come with my return to work, I praise Jesus that I have a job. Not just any job, THE JOB that He has called me to do. A job I LOVE and would probably keep even if a large sum of money came my way (although reducing my hours could be an option). It's the kind of job that I would do even if I wasn't getting paid. I thank God for the many opportunities He gives me to touch people's lives and to make a difference in this world. And if I even touch one life, if I am used by God to reach just one person, than my purpose in life is fulfilled. And it's all worth it. Worth the time away from my husband and kids, worth the risk that comes with my job, worth the long hours, the sleep loss.

And on my days off, I STILL get to be a Mom! How perfect is that?

So praise God that I'm going back to work on Tuesday!

Dreams of work

Well I'm heading back to work in 6 days and the dreams are coming more frequently now. I sure get weird calls in my dreams. I would appreciate prayer for my and my co-worker's saftey while I return to work. The area where I work has been experiencing extra violence lately (or it's being put on the news more often anyway).

Mr. C had a trial day with the babysitter today. He cried when Daddy handed him over to the sitter. The babysitter (K) said C cried until he saw the ceiling fan, which ended up providing entertainment throughout the rest of the day. At home B and I kept busy making meals for days when I'm at work and E doesn't have time to get dinner on the table by 6. I want things to be as consistant as possible for the boys, so keeping dinner at 6 is important. It's also nice to have varitey available, as I know E would resort to hambergers every night if possible!! ;)

B and I also made rice crispie squares for a special treat. After that I made Slovainian potato salad and cookies for our church BBQ tonight.

Tomorrow is my last day with just C (B will be at school) before I go back to work.
I wish I could explain to him how life is going to change drastically - like I can explain to B. Somehow it just doesn't seem fair. My little baby has had me with him every day, all day for his whole life. Then all of a sudden for four days next week, I'll be gone!! I'm so thankful my parents will be the ones watching him next week. Another prayer request, that C would adjust well to these life changes. Pray for B too, as it's a big change for him. I just feel B is better prepaired as we have been talking about my return to work since I've been off.

Canon 85mm f1.2

f4, ISO 1600, 1/60 f5, ISO1600, 1/250

f5, ISO1600, 1/4000

I rented Canon's 85mm, f1.2 lens for an engagement shoot I was doing. Various reviews I read stated this lens is great for portraits and weddings - they were right! This lens is increadably fast - once you have it set up. It's the set up that takes a bit of getting used to. Also the fact that it has one focal length takes getting used to if you are used to using a lens with a range. For the most part this lens does really well with the apature fully opened to 1.2 f-stop and I set my ISO at 400. If it was really bright I either changed my f stop so it was a smaller opening (usually around 5.6) or changed my ISO to 200 or even 100.

This lens is weird to focus and I found I had to back up at times to get my objects in focus before moving back in for a closer shot.

When I first rented this lens my only subjects available were my two cats. I was actually able to get shots of them play fighting and the lens kept up with them. I found when focusing on a person's face, it was important to increase the f-stop to 1.8 or slightly higher, or I ended up with an eye in focus and the rest of the face blurry.

This lens takes REALLY sharp photos! I was deeply saddened when I had to return this lens after four short days! This lens retails for $2600. I will be renting it again - that's for sure!

Here are some photos I took while playing around with the lens.

Paper clips - f1.2, ISO 400, 1/50

Harley Davidson - f3.5, ISO 400, 1/4000

Harley taken with 17 - 85mm- f16, ISO 400, 1/125

85mm f1.2 - Harley - f1.2, ISO 800, 1/8000

Soccer Ball - f3.2, ISO 1600, 1/4000

Praise Post

Well it just so happens it's a Thursday again as I am doing my praise post - but chances are this won't be a regular "Thursday blog" and may show up on different days of the week.

It always amazes me how God is so unchanging in our ever changing world. Even from day to day, I can experience a hundred different emotions - yet God stays the same and He is always here. God is so faithful and always meets my needs; even if there's a waiting period where I must seek God first.
I praise God that in an uncertain world, God is so certain and I can trust in Him.

Praise Post Thursday!

So I'm doing a weekly Bible study with my friend Mary. Since this week we were talking about the two weapon we have against the enemy - the Word of God and Praise, we decided to start a Praise Post Thursday! So here's my first one. Of course I may throw in a few quotes from the Bible from time to time since that's another weapon, but for today, let's stick with Praise.

First of all in staying with the teachings of my grandfather - it is important that we define the word praise. thefreedictionary.com defines praise as:

1. Expression of approval, commendation, or admiration.

2. The extolling or exaltation of a deity, ruler, or hero.

3. Archaic A reason for praise; merit.

praised, prais·ing, prais·es

1. To express warm approbation of, commendation for, or admiration for.

2. To extol or exalt; worship.

I can see that by praising God, admiring Him, approving of His work, admiring Him, especially during our trials, that we do in fact fight against the enemy (by enemy I mean "the dark side, or Satan, or the devil - the one who has come to kill and destroy). How would the enemy gain a foothold in my life if I'm too busy focusing on the good things God has done and is doing? Have you ever noticed how easy it is to focus on the negative once you start? I sure have. First I notice one thing that has gone wrong and before I know it, I have a whole list. Well the opposite is true as well. So, I'm starting to focus on God and praising Him for what is good in my life! I encourage you, reader, to try it too! In fact, feel free to post your praises as a comment on my post for others to read. Let's encourage one another!

I am in awe of God's creation. How perfect is it that the very thing we need to breath (oxygen) is made by trees and plants? And how perfect that they need our CO2 to make oxygen? A coincidence, unlikely! Spring is such a great time of the year when everything becomes new again and I am really enjoying seeing God's creation through new eyes. I exult God for all He has done and is doing in my life - without Him, I am no more than a sinner, lost, and focusing on myself. What an unhappy way to live, to only focus on me. What joy I have found each and every time when I give up a little bit of myself to help someone else. Praise God!

Praise God that I have trouble spelling (I'm sure you've already noticed). Through my bad spelling readers are forced to read for meaning and try to understand what I am talking about rather than just reading the words on a page. I praise God that He has put me in a place where I am seeing my dreams fulfilled, and a place where I know God has so much more planned for me! I am overjoyed that I am healthy and young and am able to spend a lot of time with my boys. God is good and so faithful.

Three weeks

Tuesday marked the last three weeks of my maternity leave. Fear, anexity, sadness, joy, and anticipation are all flooding my thoughts in a parade like fashion, one right after the other. Each one as strong as the last, reminding me of the enevitable change that is to come.

I feel as though my world is spining uncontrolably and I have no way of making it stop. Sadness makes it's way in as I think about everything I will miss in my boys' lives while I'm at work. My heart is torn between a job I love and being home for every little moment. I spend my days trying to remember every detail, every thing B says, every face C makes. I need to hold onto these memories so I have them with me at all times. I hug each boy a little longer, somehow hoping that it will make up for my future absence. I worry about my marriage and what my long hours will mean to it. I know there are days when E and I will be reduced to one or two word conversations as I crawl into bed, exhusted longing to put my head on my pillow. How will E manage the boys without me? How will the BOYS manange without me?

And then comes peace. A peace that I know only comes from God. A calming in the middle of the storm of my emotions, telling me that everything is going to work out and that all I have to do is trust. It's so easy to get caught up in my emotions, so easy to dwell on what could go wrong and trust is hard. Trust in a way can feel like you're giving up all control over the situation. I am desperatly trying to maintain that control. I have this idea that if I plan every last detail surounding my return to work, that some how trust will come easier. Of course we all know plans can go wrong, and there really is only one plan that is perfect - which is God's. I am reminded of God's plan and all the doors he opened to get me to where I am now.

So for the next three weeks, I'm stepping back, giving everything to God and letting Him handle it. I'm trusting God, and I'm going to make the best of every moment. After all whether I'm at home or at work, kids do grow quickly and I'm enjoying the journey as they grow into adults.