Today was a PA Day for B, who is now 7 and in grade 2. Since I had two kids in tow, we decided to go to a indoor play place to kill some energy. When we first arrived, there were two little girls with their Mom and then us. So naturally it would have been difficult to not notice the other family since we were the only ones there.
It is not my intention to be judgemental of others. I don't feel I have any place in making judgements of others and the way they live their lives. I do, however, observe people closely. Likely more closely than most as it is a necessary skill to be successful at my job. In many cases, I observe others and attempt to learn how I can better myself. Today was one of those cases.
As I played with B and H, pushing H in the toy car, going down the slides with B, and having pretend meal after meal in the toy house, envisioning what it will be like to visit my kids as adults in the way too close future; I couldn't help but observe the other mother with her daughters. Her adorable little girls were likely 2 and less than 6 months. And for the entire 2 1/2 hours we were at the play place, this mother was on her phone. I don't know what was so rivting that she was unable to pull the phone away from her focus, but it made me feel sad. As her 2 year old ran around and her baby sat in the swing, this mother only looked at them when they begged for her attention. When the baby became fussy, the mother held her giving her a bottle and once again stared at her phone. The only interaction I saw between the mother and the baby was when the mother tried to get her baby to look at her phone so she could take a picture.
I started to wonder if I am more like this mother than I would like to admit. Are there times when I too am so focused and in my own world that I only pay attention when my kids beg me to? Am I going to miss out on my daughter laughing as she is going down the slide? Or missing my son as he helps a smaller child climb? I do know that I am going to make a bigger effort to be a present and involved parent for my kids, before it's too late and all I have of them is a photo I took on my phone to remember the day we went to the indoor play place.
Today B, H and I made many new memories that we can share for a long time. And when we were leaving B said to me "my favourite part of the play place was when we were in the pretend house". This warmed my heart and I knew for that brief moment in time I was a good Mom to my kids.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Tough choices
There are times in our lives when we will all reach crossroads where we can choose to continue on the same path or charter a new course. Sometime the decision is easy and requires little thought. Other times it takes much deliberating, reasoning and discussion and in the end we are left wondering if we did in fact make the right choice.
13 hours ago I was facing one of life's crossroads. I was offered a position at work that meant no more night shifts and a better schedule that would make family life easier to balance. This position is with a partner who is phenomenal to work with, is an amazing medic and happens to be my friend. The ambulance is out of my current station which is a short commute from home and my locker would remain the same. It sounds perfect doesn't it?
As perfect as this spot is, it would mean leaving my current partner behind. My current partner who I adore working with, and who has become a very close friend. My partner who has been a rock during some of the toughest times of my life. My partner whom I work well with, with whom I can anticipate his next step and he mine, which is key in any good EMS team. In a job where you are faced with the unknown, in some of the worst environments, seeing people in horrific states, having the right partner can be what gets you through to the next call. Once you find this partner there has to be a darn good reason to leave them. After being partners for 4 years I am not ready to let him go.
Yet 13 hours ago, that's exactly what I did, I changed spots. I choose the unknown road in hopes to make my home life more structured for my kids.
As I stand at this crossroad, facing the choice that I made, I can't help but wonder if there actually are 'right' paths to choose or if there are only different paths.
13 hours ago I was facing one of life's crossroads. I was offered a position at work that meant no more night shifts and a better schedule that would make family life easier to balance. This position is with a partner who is phenomenal to work with, is an amazing medic and happens to be my friend. The ambulance is out of my current station which is a short commute from home and my locker would remain the same. It sounds perfect doesn't it?
As perfect as this spot is, it would mean leaving my current partner behind. My current partner who I adore working with, and who has become a very close friend. My partner who has been a rock during some of the toughest times of my life. My partner whom I work well with, with whom I can anticipate his next step and he mine, which is key in any good EMS team. In a job where you are faced with the unknown, in some of the worst environments, seeing people in horrific states, having the right partner can be what gets you through to the next call. Once you find this partner there has to be a darn good reason to leave them. After being partners for 4 years I am not ready to let him go.
Yet 13 hours ago, that's exactly what I did, I changed spots. I choose the unknown road in hopes to make my home life more structured for my kids.
As I stand at this crossroad, facing the choice that I made, I can't help but wonder if there actually are 'right' paths to choose or if there are only different paths.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012
This is what productivity looked like today.
On May 31st my sister in law and brother in law took position of their first home. On June first E and I went over to help with the move. E and his Dad put together some furniture. E's Mom and I started to organize the kitchen (I left early on to work on the guest room). And I painted the guest room. 
This is what productivity looks like...
I have decided to start a photo journal of sorts, posting my 'projects'. I am titling my journal 'this is what productivity looked like today'. Productivity will take shape in many different forms I am certain. I will be posting my photos on my Ceilidh blog. Please feel free to comment and leave feedback!
Note: since I started this idea about a week ago I will post a few journals over the next little while in no particular order to catch up.
Note: since I started this idea about a week ago I will post a few journals over the next little while in no particular order to catch up.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
365 days
I cannot believe it's been a year since I last blogged. I suppose it's fair to say life is busy! I'd like to share a link with you to my other blog: Paws for Cayleb. Cayleb, my second born, has been approved to receive a National Service Dog. I won't go into great detail here, as everything is on his blog, but I will say that this dog, once we get it will dramatically change our lives! We have been asked to raise the $30K that is required to train Cayleb's future dog and would greatly appreciate any support. Hopefully my next entry will be sooner than a year away.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Feelings of pride and gulit.
Today was a big day for my baby girl. She learned to pull herself to a stand and how to applaud her efforts! Watching a baby clap for the first time always brings a smile to my face. I don’t know if it’s because I automatically start singing “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” or if it’s just that babies are so darn cute, especially when they learn something new.
As I watched the giant grin on my baby girl’s face, encouraging her to clap, I got this sudden feeling that I have yet another thing to work on as a mother. You see, my second born, who was diagnosed with autism last June, didn’t start to clap until he was 19 months. Our daughter is 10 months. At the time that my second born learned to clap, I knew it was later than typical – one of the many red flags that led to an early diagnosis. Today, as I watched my baby girl do something so seemingly easy for her, I couldn’t help but compare her to C. Immediate I was flooded with feelings of guilt. I know how important it is to treat our children as individuals, to help them develop their God given personalities and abilities. I know how dangerous it can be to compare our children and how it leads to the slippery slop of favoritism. I don’t want to be THAT parent, who values one child over another.
It was then that I began to realize that my comparison was causing a battle in my heart. On one side my heart was breaking for Mr. C and his daily challenges – even clapping was a struggle he once faced. I want so desperately to hold my baby boy and make life easier for him. I think back to all the times over the period of several months that I would take his two hands and clap them together, hoping and praying he would do it on his own – until he finally did.
On the other side I look at my baby girl who learned to clap on her own, with little instruction or manipulation from me. I’ve probably only clapped her hands together on a half a dozen occations. I see her effortlessly become confident in something that was so difficult for C. I am happy for H and ever so proud, but I also feel relief. Relief that with every milestone she reaches I can say with certainty that at THIS point she is typically developing. My relief brings guilt as I wonder if it means I am bad mother. Am I a bad mother for being so happy and relieved that daughter can do things so easily that my youngest son cannot?
I cannot help but wonder if my fear of my daughter showing signs of autism somehow means that I don’t love C enough, that somehow I want to change him. I know this fear comes from a heart that breaks for my son. I want so desperately for life to be easy for him. And if C were different, maybe he could tell me what he needs and I wouldn’t feel as helpless and useless as a mother.
A dear friend of mine, while trying to teach her little ones an important lesson, in turn actually taught ME the lesson. “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”. At this point in his life, Cayleb doesn’t seem to be upset in the least by his autism. He just goes through life working really hard to face and overcome his challenges; allowing his challenges to build character.
I am learning that a big challenge set before me as a mother, is to love my kids during their difficult moments, love them as they struggle through their challenges – that’s when showing my kids unconditional love is most important – AND when they learn to clap at no matter what age that happens.
As I watched the giant grin on my baby girl’s face, encouraging her to clap, I got this sudden feeling that I have yet another thing to work on as a mother. You see, my second born, who was diagnosed with autism last June, didn’t start to clap until he was 19 months. Our daughter is 10 months. At the time that my second born learned to clap, I knew it was later than typical – one of the many red flags that led to an early diagnosis. Today, as I watched my baby girl do something so seemingly easy for her, I couldn’t help but compare her to C. Immediate I was flooded with feelings of guilt. I know how important it is to treat our children as individuals, to help them develop their God given personalities and abilities. I know how dangerous it can be to compare our children and how it leads to the slippery slop of favoritism. I don’t want to be THAT parent, who values one child over another.
It was then that I began to realize that my comparison was causing a battle in my heart. On one side my heart was breaking for Mr. C and his daily challenges – even clapping was a struggle he once faced. I want so desperately to hold my baby boy and make life easier for him. I think back to all the times over the period of several months that I would take his two hands and clap them together, hoping and praying he would do it on his own – until he finally did.
On the other side I look at my baby girl who learned to clap on her own, with little instruction or manipulation from me. I’ve probably only clapped her hands together on a half a dozen occations. I see her effortlessly become confident in something that was so difficult for C. I am happy for H and ever so proud, but I also feel relief. Relief that with every milestone she reaches I can say with certainty that at THIS point she is typically developing. My relief brings guilt as I wonder if it means I am bad mother. Am I a bad mother for being so happy and relieved that daughter can do things so easily that my youngest son cannot?
I cannot help but wonder if my fear of my daughter showing signs of autism somehow means that I don’t love C enough, that somehow I want to change him. I know this fear comes from a heart that breaks for my son. I want so desperately for life to be easy for him. And if C were different, maybe he could tell me what he needs and I wouldn’t feel as helpless and useless as a mother.
A dear friend of mine, while trying to teach her little ones an important lesson, in turn actually taught ME the lesson. “You get what you get and you don’t get upset”. At this point in his life, Cayleb doesn’t seem to be upset in the least by his autism. He just goes through life working really hard to face and overcome his challenges; allowing his challenges to build character.
I am learning that a big challenge set before me as a mother, is to love my kids during their difficult moments, love them as they struggle through their challenges – that’s when showing my kids unconditional love is most important – AND when they learn to clap at no matter what age that happens.
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