Winter has a positive side if you look for it!

I this time of year when the leaves have changed and are parading landscapes with vibrant reds, oranges and yellow. It is easy to get depressed, however, when those leaves soon fall to the ground and remind us of the impending colder weather that is about to become our reality for the next several months. And it's far too easy to focus on the negative aspects that come with winter - extra clothing to go out doors, runny noses and cold fingers, slush and fearful drivers.

Having a special needs child can sometimes make me feel as though we stuck in an eternal winter. Emotional break downs and tantrums, challenging communication, lack of understanding, special diets, endless waiting lists and appointments, isolation and fear.

In certain moments that often catch me off guard, I can focus on the little jems that come with the cold weather, both literally and figuratively in life.

Warm sweaters and snuggles by the fire, snowshoeing with the kids, taboogoning, sitting with a cup of tea watch the snow fall out the window.

We recently brought home our son's service dog. She is amazing in everyway and has the potential to dramatically change our family's life! Something she has already begun to do. The first year with a service dog includes MANY adjustments and MANY learning opportunities. Sometimes, although it would be easy to focus on the drab points of this new relationship, I am purposeful long looking on the sunny side , enjoying the best parts of winter and knowing full well that after every winter there is spring. The colour will return and in full vibrancy with not only reds, yellows and oranges but with greens, purples, pinks and every colour of the rainbow.

Long Lake Oasis

There is an area of Long Lake that is isolated from the rest of the lake. Nature has set aside this area and protects it from large boats by it's rocky underwater terrain and shallow waters. Hidden by several small islands, the water is calm and peaceful. When the motorboat and jetski hums die down as cottagers head indoors for the dinner hour, the only sounds that can be heard are those that are native to Long Lake.

B and I set out in the kayaks just after 7pm tonight, so I could share this secluded area of Long Lake with him, in hopes that he could experience nature in a brand new way. The majestic encounter with nature we shared, was one that we won't soon forget - far better than I could have hoped for.

While paddling towards the opening to this hidden oasis, B and I saw a Loon, not more than 10 feet from us. I told B to stay still and quiet. In the distance we heard the familiar call of the Loon, as our new friend's mate called for his return. About 30-40 feet away, we could see a second Loon with a tiny head peeking up from on top of her back. We slowly and quietly followed the male as he went to meet his family. On his arrival, we witnessed, what is likely the cutest thing I have ever seen. The very tiny, all black baby loon, slid off it's mother's back and swam the short distance to its Dad who gave him some nourishment. Dad then dove down and feed baby some more. When they were done, Baby swam over to Mom and climbed up under her wing. Once Baby was safe, Dad noticed us and began to peck at B's kayak. He then swam around B's kayak, attacking his paddle. Obviously we had over stayed our welcome.

On our way back, we once again passed the family of three and Dad was quick to let us know we were not welcome. While swimming next to me, I was able to see him gracefully glide through the water.

My only regret, not having my camera with me to capture this majestic interaction forever.

Photo by Pure Muskoka

Present

Today was a PA Day for B, who is now 7 and in grade 2. Since I had two kids in tow, we decided to go to a indoor play place to kill some energy. When we first arrived, there were two little girls with their Mom and then us. So naturally it would have been difficult to not notice the other family since we were the only ones there.

It is not my intention to be judgemental of others. I don't feel I have any place in making judgements of others and the way they live their lives. I do, however, observe people closely. Likely more closely than most as it is a necessary skill to be successful at my job. In many cases, I observe others and attempt to learn how I can better myself. Today was one of those cases.

As I played with B and H, pushing H in the toy car, going down the slides with B, and having pretend meal after meal in the toy house, envisioning what it will be like to visit my kids as adults in the way too close future; I couldn't help but observe the other mother with her daughters. Her adorable little girls were likely 2 and less than 6 months. And for the entire 2 1/2 hours we were at the play place, this mother was on her phone. I don't know what was so rivting that she was unable to pull the phone away from her focus, but it made me feel sad. As her 2 year old ran around and her baby sat in the swing, this mother only looked at them when they begged for her attention. When the baby became fussy, the mother held her giving her a bottle and once again stared at her phone. The only interaction I saw between the mother and the baby was when the mother tried to get her baby to look at her phone so she could take a picture.

I started to wonder if I am more like this mother than I would like to admit. Are there times when I too am so focused and in my own world that I only pay attention when my kids beg me to? Am I going to miss out on my daughter laughing as she is going down the slide? Or missing my son as he helps a smaller child climb? I do know that I am going to make a bigger effort to be a present and involved parent for my kids, before it's too late and all I have of them is a photo I took on my phone to remember the day we went to the indoor play place.

Today B, H and I made many new memories that we can share for a long time. And when we were leaving B said to me "my favourite part of the play place was when we were in the pretend house". This warmed my heart and I knew for that brief moment in time I was a good Mom to my kids.

Tough choices

There are times in our lives when we will all reach crossroads where we can choose to continue on the same path or charter a new course. Sometime the decision is easy and requires little thought. Other times it takes much deliberating, reasoning and discussion and in the end we are left wondering if we did in fact make the right choice.

13 hours ago I was facing one of life's crossroads. I was offered a position at work that meant no more night shifts and a better schedule that would make family life easier to balance. This position is with a partner who is phenomenal to work with, is an amazing medic and happens to be my friend. The ambulance is out of my current station which is a short commute from home and my locker would remain the same. It sounds perfect doesn't it?

As perfect as this spot is, it would mean leaving my current partner behind. My current partner who I adore working with, and who has become a very close friend. My partner who has been a rock during some of the toughest times of my life. My partner whom I work well with, with whom I can anticipate his next step and he mine, which is key in any good EMS team. In a job where you are faced with the unknown, in some of the worst environments, seeing people in horrific states, having the right partner can be what gets you through to the next call. Once you find this partner there has to be a darn good reason to leave them. After being partners for 4 years I am not ready to let him go.

Yet 13 hours ago, that's exactly what I did, I changed spots. I choose the unknown road in hopes to make my home life more structured for my kids.
As I stand at this crossroad, facing the choice that I made, I can't help but wonder if there actually are 'right' paths to choose or if there are only different paths.

Productivity

Here's a couple of photos of the painted room from my sister and brother in law's.

This is what productivity looked like today.

On May 31st my sister in law and brother in law took position of their first home. On June first E and I went over to help with the move. E and his Dad put together some furniture. E's Mom and I started to organize the kitchen (I left early on to work on the guest room). And I painted the guest room.

This is what productivity looks like...

I have decided to start a photo journal of sorts, posting my 'projects'. I am titling my journal 'this is what productivity looked like today'. Productivity will take shape in many different forms I am certain. I will be posting my photos on my Ceilidh blog. Please feel free to comment and leave feedback!

Note: since I started this idea about a week ago I will post a few journals over the next little while in no particular order to catch up.